I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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