he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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