we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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