my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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