i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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