Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I need to stop coming to work sober
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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