I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
