yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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