he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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