you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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