evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
