apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
