There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
your room smells of hookers.
And success
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
