just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
