Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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