i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
