I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
