well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's blow job season.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My penis needs a shock collar
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
