id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
