so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
