help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
