i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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