Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
