Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
