I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she told me i tasted like america
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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