im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
