whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
