I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
