Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
