The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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