I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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