it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
