Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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