the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
false alarm, still single
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
