also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
