Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
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she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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