i just made my gag reflex go away.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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