Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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