Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
