He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
