Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
