Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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