had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
