Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Fuck appropriateness.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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