My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
