I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
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In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
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I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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