Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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