she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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