just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize