My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
