i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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