if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
