I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
