My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
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Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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