I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?