how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.