I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
... don't judge me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no