You made me cry and you don't even care
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
