I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I need water and some morals
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
