Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
