dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
